Idiosyncratic Communiqué 

If we keep on going like this

Remain proud cowards

Trying as hard as we can

To hinder words from being spoken right in front of one another

Only letting them lay in ink somewhere in a www. and in a .com,

We will lose our voices

Gone the resonating sounds

Emptiness pirouetting

No matter how hard we try to scream

Every word grows unfathomable

For the drought our lungs have been into

Burned language out of your body

Burned language out of my corpse

And although the mind surpasses the void

Abundantly flooded with language

Still, conclusions over all rundown buildings

Lead to pointlessness


It’s a defeat worth writing

In need of a plaque of recognition

But a valuation I refuse to pay


I know the consequences

Eternal voicelessness

Silence to the wordsmiths

Yet I fall ill to it

Exactly right now

Currently acquiesced in the euphoria of

Just talking through the Internet

Choosing not to speak

Speak in the manner all people should

Here I am

Fishing out suppositions through webbed networks

Conveying outpours of melodramatic sceneries

Weaving thoughts from the virtual text

Confused through the implicit content of your message

Trying to configure why you speak a different language from mine


Instead of voices,

I hear the keyboard

A mainstay of rhythmical typing sounds

I remain unsatisfied

Thirsty for your voice to echo

As loud as it can

To break the glass

Water my lungs

Let the fluid run through

Revive the voice slowly dying

The screen as the virtual quick sand

Only more ghastly

Hankering after your warm face

Longing for your body to concretize


High-tech prodigies

Lost in between all obscure holograms

Or is it hanging in between threads of horizontal lines

Parallels and can never intersect

Unstable signals

Dizzying grids

Us who anaesthetize the whole thing

Pitiful communication

Pitifully based on indirect innuendoes

Outburst of hints


We can speak

Yet we don’t try to

The reason we can’t understand

Why you can’t save me

And I can’t save you

Efforts untraced

Only online without emotions

Without actions

Undressing words once refined

Conformists to the shallow promise of technology

Pioneers on a devastating insult to nature

To tradition

Shameful and uncustomary

One I shouldn’t be tolerating

But as an outlet to free myself from too much individualism,

This post is the proof

We can’t really talk. We never talk. We don’t understand anything.

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Sa Anino ng Dilaw na Paru-Paro

heli1

Paru-paro sa ibabaw ng putikang kalsada                                  Katahimikang nakabibingi’y isang parusa                                              Dama ang pagod, walang ginhawa                                                          Para sa demokrasya, lahat nakibaka

 Ang mga ulap ay muling nagbanta                                                          Kidlat at kulog ay dumalubhasa                                                              Dumaan ang bagyo, lubos na naminsala                                                Ngunit nariyan at tumayo, inabot ang pag-asa

 Ibinandera, isinigaw ang lahat ng hangad                                              Iisa ang tinahak, sabay sa paglakad                                                        Pilit na sinundan ang mga paru-parong lumilipad                                  Hindi asul, hindi pula, sa dilaw pinadpad

 Ipinagtulakan at pilitang iniligaw                                                            Binulag at itinali upang ‘di makagalaw                                                  Paru-paru ay kamuntikang maalis sa pananaw                              Lumaban, nagpumiglas , hindi nagpasilaw

 Hawak kamay at ‘di natinag                                                                      Puso at adhikain ay walang kasing tatag                                            Gumising at bumangon, sa sarili’y ‘di na nahabag                                Inuna ang kalayaan ng bayan mula sa bitag

 Gutom at uhaw sa matamis na pagbabago                                          Inalala ang mga digmaang noon ay natalo                                      Lumingon sa itaas, nasulyapan ang paru-paro                              Bumulong sa sarili “Para sa bayan ko!”

 Tumingala at kinausap ang poong maykapal                                    Umawit, pumikit at taimtim na nagdasal                                        Pinunasan ang pawis, doo’y nagtanggal                                                  Ng pagkamakabansa ng buong dangal

 Diwa’t dugo’y buhay sa pagaklas                                                  Bayanihang naghanap ng mabisang lunas                                              Dinaya’t niloko ngunit di inagnas                                                        Pumadyak sa kabila ng mga sugat at gasgas

 Sa pagsikat ng araw, sa pagkislap ng mata                                            Mga ngiti at pagiyak ay ‘di maikumpara                                                Hatid ng pagdiriwang ay batid ng sobra                                          Pilipinong nagtipon sa kahabaan ng EDSA

 Paru-paro sa ibabaw ng putikang kalsada                                              Ingay na nakabibingi’y nagsusumigawang ligaya                                Walang gumagalaw, lahat napanganga                                                   Sa biyaya ng demokrasya, ang bagong kabanata

Photo (c) pinoyexchange.com

“A Certain Kind of Voice”: Youth’s Perception of an Authentic Servant-Leader

theinnovativejournal

Cocooned inside the four corners of solace, we, the modern Filipino youth, could barely see ourselves making a change. But each time we exit the realms of our comfort zones, only to find a chaotic land, we know immediately that we must not shut the world out again. We realize for a fact that our country needs a certain kind of courage to speak—to speak without a trace of reluctance, to speak not to dishearten but to encourage, to speak not of hatred nor indifference, but of love.

What we need is a certain kind of voice to break the silence or to silence the noise.

A certain kind of voice like Nick Joaquin’s.

Nick Joaquin Photo courtesy: lookingforlola.wordpress.com Nick Joaquin
Photo courtesy: lookingforlola.wordpress.com

“By your dust and by the dust of all generations, I promise to continue…”

And then these words were all that mattered. Wholly enamoured by his passion for writing which melted…

View original post 1,105 more words

Still Fragments

H: Was that you I saw? You said ‘hi’ ?

M: Yes. I thought you didn’t notice.

H: I guess we did meet after all for just half a second or so. We’ve missed out on each other so much.

M: It’s better than not at all, don’t you think?

H: No, not really. I’d prefer not seeing you completely than seeing you for a bit and end up thinking about what we could have talked about- what I could have fixed. Much worse, I ended up thinking about you all day.  

M: …

You forgot, didn’t you?

It’s the line we drew that we need to keep running                                  

and it’s the fragment we wrote that we don’t have to finish.               

                         

Sauveur

tumblr_lat6z7Fdjo1qbvim5o1_500

Can you save me now?

There is not much time to still hold back

For I am on the verge of caving in absolutely

My pseudo castles, long I have given up

And right this second, I am vulnerable

But if you are not my rescuer

Will you at least just tell me to stop?

Confront me to stop

Make things easier

Tell me I am being foolish

Tell me I am waiting for no one

Say you feel nothing

Instead of unconsciously tolerating my fantasies

Say the chances are ambiguously blind

Instead of unconsciously breaking me

So heretofore

I will not encourage my hopes any longer

And not prolong these fatuous wishes

 I deserve to be free from illusions

And you deserve the world free from me

From there, I will let everything go

Will you?

Save me now

To save the both of us.

Photo (c) Tumblr.com

To No One

daydreaming-lyrics-Favim.com-461980

Tear  pages from my book

the entire book if you must

Read every page

Trace every line

Count all the errors

Laugh at every fault

Say every word out loud

Over and over

Til you can hear them talking back

Cursing you

Saying things

You never want to hear

But there will always be

Tears you will never see

Stares you will never catch

Words you will not understand

Feelings you will never return

Screams you will not hear

Secrets you will not keep

Wounds you cannot heal

Questions you cannot answer

Pain you cannot ease

And so many things I kept hidden

For a lifetime

Or at least until I give in

Thoroughly

Completely

To the tricks you never played

You can never play

Or never wanted to play


For if there is anything I am good at,

It is hiding

The truth

From the truth

Truth, I can falsify

Into

Lies

Sinister

Lies

That kill

For self-defense

Or is it fear?

Terror

Anxiety

Love?

It is the truth you would see

Fading

Down a black hole

Broken down

Into forlorn pieces

Until it is no longer there

Until it goes on

Unnoticed

And

Until we forget

I will forget

And you will forget

The things we never even had

Or maybe wanted to have

But did not

Maybe I did want it

So bad

So desperate

That it consumed me

All of me

Every part

But you never did

Never did you

Want it


 Maybe we almost did

Sweet almost

Almost sweet

Sweet surrender

To a powerful Almost

As Apollo’s songs

And serenades

We can never sing

Sing together

Hear together

The perfect harmony

Gone

 Like  the girl

You dreamt about every night

Almost

Almost sweet as Ambrosia

Or as Shakespeare’s plays

Before they ended up in tragedies

It is this almost that hurts

So much

Hurt

That almost

Makes people wonder

Imagine the “what if’s”

And these “what if’s”

Draw regrets

Regrets to come

And more regrets

And I wonder if you think the same

Feel the same way

About these things

But it is probably just me

Just I who

Over thinks too much

Yes, me


Perhaps I hoped too much

Or said too much

Felt too much

Endured too much

Reacted too much

Wrote too much

Dreamt too much

Too much of everything

Too much things unsound

Things inappropriate

That all I ever had was that

Whatever that was

Whatever this is

How odd of me to be

In this oddly odd situation

Too much yet

All that dwelled in me was doubt

All I saw, I see

All I felt, I feel

All I heard, I hear

All that lingers is

The bitter taste of your poison

Poison you never did have

And will never have

For again

My too much of too much

Left nothing good

For the both of us

Good to keep

Good things

Alive and good

It felt so good it hurts so badly

Terribly

Genuinely bad


You were right

A hundred percent

Correct and accurate

Accurate and correct

When you used that word

A word added to stories

Happy stories

Fantastic stories

Enticing ones

Or maybe even sad ones

Stories, yes

Sad stories

Intoxicated ones

Intoxicated stories

Best, they are

Intoxicating, they are

God, I love that word

So much

Again with this so much

“Intoxicated”

So much intoxication

By what?

Or by whom?

How?

Or how severe?

How long?

Since when?

Or until when?

Eternity?

Probably

Surely

I hope so.


And yet there is

Another word I love

“Broken”

Very broken

Broken to the worst

I do understand

Only a little

Or could be less than that

Help me understand more

More of you

Just you

But I guess I cannot

And can never

Maybe you won’t let me

Maybe I can help fix you

Help figure things out

Solve some puzzles

Even little ones

Illuminate a little light

But maybe not

 I will only make this worse

Complicate things more

Make this impossible

As if they are not already

As if we still have a chance

Pretending as if the distance

Between the two us

Is not yet expanded

Into greater length

Into maximum space

As if we talk

As if our eyes meet

As if I exist in your world


Maybe for you

This is nothing

More than a second

Of a heartbeat

Dust

Paper

Ashes

Or less of a blink of an eye

Less of corrupt emotions

But to me it meant everything

It still means everything

Every heartbeat

Every bit of it

Everything, I felt

I feel everything

I feel everything

I feel everything

Until now

It feels

Good and terrifying

Both at the same time

It makes me happy

Sad

Afraid

Confused

Overwhelmed

All at once

For the first time

Just this first time

And possibly for the last

Only did I

Felt and feel this towards you

No one

But you

Only

You alone

Solitary

Gladly solitary

For you


 I tried to make things simple

But nothing ever is

Simple

Nothing ever is

I thought after

Admitting everything to you

It would fade and perish

Like the leaves during fall

Or like each word you thought

But did not say

Never had the guts to say

Never did ever you thought of saying

Only an idea

A figment of imagination

A spark that died a minute after it

Showed light

Perish and decay like everyone else

Die like love

Be forgotten like names you read

Or hear

But never find out whose it is

That it would just slowly disappear

Forever

For good

And never be remembered again

For the both of us

But I thought wrong

It just grew more and more into me

And now I cannot hold it back

Or control it

For now it controls me

Whatever “it” is

It controls me


You did not promise anything

I know that

And you know that

Clearly

It is only I who exaggerates things

Forgive me

For I

Have been stupid

Over things so small

So obvious

I am sorry

For being like this

Whatever this is

For the drama

For lots and lots of drama

For dragging you

Into this mess

Into my world of distortions

But I am not sorry for

Loving you

Yes, Love

The L word I always hated

The odd kind

The complicated kind

Complicated like me

Like what I am now

I gave it a chance

Believe me I did

Like you told me to

But it did not give me my chance

Or will it ever

I thought it was unfair

But again

I thought wrong

As always


I can wait

I promise I can

I will wait

If there is something I am waiting for

I am not rushing things

I am only drawing

Conclusions and endings

Our endings

Be it favorable or not

For all I can do now is wait

And wait and wait and wait

For the perfect train

To take me to wonderland

To find things lovely

Lovelier than this

For something worthwhile

Or for someone else

Like you

Or you

Just wait

And write

Even though I suck at writing

I still do

Write tragic poems

Write tragic stories

Write things that do not make any sense

At all

Things unimaginable

For people who think straight

Write death

And die

But resurrect

For living tragically

Is more tragic than death

And maybe I like this tragedy

This tragedy of us

Or this tragedy of me

That I created

And will finish

If I could

If I want it to end

But for now

I do not


Happy

I know you are

And I hope you are

I hope I am too

I would

Like to be

Happy as you are

And I would like to believe

I can

Be happy

I would like to believe I am

Along with all these other emotions

Throwing happiness

Out of the silver platter

Overpowering it

Pushing it down the cliff

Of the mountains of my sentiments

Knowing it could never reach the top

The pinnacle of nice things

I think it was prophesied

Or cursed

Or destined

I do not want to know

Happy, yes

Just happy

No matter what form

Or from what

Or how

Just happy


You are more

Than what you think you are

Brave

Soulful

Witty

Spirited

Driven

Beautiful

Beautifully wise

An art, if I can say

Not a perfect one

Not an amateur one

But a masterpiece

Could be unfinished

Or unfound

But it is there

Quite there

Just take a step back

And look

Closely

Surely

You will see

Try to see

I know you know who you are

Be self-critical

But never self-destructive

Worth is it?

You are an amazing man

but you keep on calling yourself a jerk

Maybe you are a jerk

And a douche

And an outright bastard

No, not a maybe

You are a jerk

A standout jerk

But that is why I like you

Because I am too


 Normal, yes

I can be normal

But the annoying, minding

Knocks of awkwardness

Keep on breaking

Their way in to me

I just want to

Or at least I think I want to

End this pathetic feeling

To look less of an idiot

To have a bit of appreciation for myself

And not think about you

And let it pass

Let it go for clichéd fucked up feels

Wait for the moment where

We laugh at all these

At how stupid I have become

And then maybe we could be friends

Nothing more

It is not instant

To just command

Feelings to stop

Or pause

Or restart

If only my heart came

With even just one remote control

If only I chose to not feel

If only I chose to be smart

For once in my life


I have done things so horrible

Like fall in love

And keep on falling in love

And tell that person you love

That you like them

And then convince yourself

To not expect

No expectations

But end up expecting

And then hoping

And then carrying out assumptions

Faulty, devious ones

And then end dying

You can call it absurd

I am giving you

The permission to do so

Call it crazy

Call it creepy

Call it psychotic

Call it delusional

Call it deception

Call it anything you want

I know this is wrong

In all ways

This is wrong

And always will this be wrong

Wrongful to hope

And be lured by fantasies

Delving into surreal elements

Dwelling in dreams

Intruding the sweet serenity

Destroying what was calm

And possibly collected

Crashing and crawling

Burning and crying

Still, in every way

In the wrong way

Or right way

Please let me

Call it love

Photo (c) Tumblr.com